We have heard this question so many times around us, in whispers, of course. Oftentimes, people want to try kinky stuff to attain pleasure and like to spice up their sex life but they are scared that it might affect their bodies.
So, Fitmist is here to answer all your questions and tell you all about the nitty-gritty of how you can better understand your deepest desires and have rough sex without facing complications.
What is rough sex?
A common definition of rough sex or rough play is when aggressive behaviors are included in sexual acts relationship. It is normally faster, involves factors of consensual pleasurable pain such as biting each other’s various parts, spanking, slapping, consensual choking, scratching. It is also often termed as ‘passionate’ or ‘kinky.’
Therapists who work with clients who practice rough sex tell that the definition of ‘rough’ is nebulous and depends on the individual.
For example, one person might consider biting, hair-pulling, and scratching to be “rough,” while another person may consider those activities to be more basic. You can only define what rough sex means to you based on your comfort level and choices.
Consider this before you indulge in rough sex
Please note that rough sex might sound fun to you like a wild fantasy, but it might not be so fun for you in practice. That is why it is crucial to ease into rough sex gradually to test the waters of what you like and what you do not want in bed. You must also consider that things that you wish to try may be triggering for your partner.
Some people have past traumas and doing things differently can trigger them. A trauma response could also be triggered through relatively light rough play in those that have even merely touched levels of violent trauma before, according to sex therapists.
Restrictions especially breathing restrictions can impact the scenario if your partner is not comfortable. Therefore, it is recommended to discuss mental and physical health issues or boundaries before having rough sex.
This is how you can enjoy safe rough sex!
It is advised to start slow and with the basics. When venturing into a new lane, you must walk patiently, and please prioritize your relationship over temporary sexual indulgence. Begin in your comfort zone.
Simply ease into it and gently adjust to your boundaries as well as your partner’s become more comfortable.
- Consent is everything
It is better to talk to your partner about what is about your fantasies and if you are both happy with it. When we talk about something like that, it is always recommended to keep your partner’s opinion in mind. It is better to establish true consent between you. If you are forcing yourself in the name of a commitment then things can go south quickly and it is harassment.
- Take care of speed and pressure
If things start to get the intense meaning you and your partner are deep into intense kissing or thrusting, then only you should try going faster and harder. You can try the dirty talk to see if they are into it as much as you are, for example, “ do you like that?” or “is this better” might work.
- Controlling sex positions
You can try positioning your partner or yourself up against a wall, while you are in front of them, sounds like an amazing position for rough sex. This position will give room for some tight waist-grabbing, and many other intense movements.
You can also try stuff like spanking their ass, but only if they are comfortable with all these experiments, because like we said earlier, it is better to go slow at first, and if you both are comfortable, you can also try hair-pulling while talking dirty to them.
Aftercare is essential
Once the sex is over, do not forget to check-in with yourself and with your better-half. Ask these questions and see how they respond.
- Did you both feel good about what just happened?
- What could you two possibly try differently next time?
Sex therapists suggest that addressing the aftercare period before rough sex will lead to a fulfilling experience. Ask yourself these questions to know how you feel after rough sex?
Check how you want to be treated by your partner after rough play. Talk about how you want to be pampered, for example, is cuddling always a good idea or would you like to sleep straight away? Do you like to hop right into the shower, also, alone or with your partner?
You can also talk if you want to be left alone. Although, the last one is a bit tricky because if your partner wants to cuddle and you do not then it is better to talk it out in the beginning.
Notch it up
Once pulling is done, hard thrusting, and spanking become part of the routine, you can always experiment with other stuff like biting, whipping ( this might need a little extra care), and minor restrictions like rope play or handcuffs, bondage.
We would like to remind you that this upgrade should be first discussed between everyone who is involved and the emotional/ physical safety of partners should be adhered to. Before you try something like rope play, make sure that you educate yourself and inform your partner as well, on how to safely tie and untie ropes.
It is recommended to give priority to the Safety and consent of your partner. Rough sex will be satisfactory and fun if you played it right.